Desperate to find love?

Do you intermittently find yourself yearning for love? That omniscient partner that would fix all the problems in your life. Who will make your life scintillating like sunlight breaking through after a storm?

We all have been there, I guess — that desperate urge to find someone. It usually happens when we see happy couples all around us, elated by each other’s company, sharing those pretty smiles, making beautiful memories. It also happens when you maybe lose touch with your friends or the people around you and start spending time alone.

You know what it means? It means that you have lost touch with yourself. You are objecting to your own company. You feel empty inside and you think you need someone to fill it. It means you have stopped enjoying your me-time. It means that you don’t love yourself as much as you used to or as much as you should.

How can we give so much power to a person that they can determine our worth or mood? Why do you think that happens? We see this love culture all around — on social media, TV series, movies, books, etc. It naturally hints to our brain and makes us realise, “I think I’m not enough, I’m incomplete. I think I’m a block of a puzzle looking for its perfect fit.”

Why do we get so harsh with ourselves? This also happens with people who have never spent time alone and have always surrounded themselves with partners or friends. They just can’t be with themselves without having this constant need to socialise, talk, and distract themselves so they can’t feel the burden of being secluded.

Sometimes I find myself in the same situation — longing for someone to fill my void, make me feel loved, worthy, and seen. But this feeling is transient for me. I get over it pretty quickly, reminding myself that I love myself and that I enjoy my company immensely.

I go to the movies alone, wearing my headphones, being in my own little world. Sometimes I get weird glances from people when roaming around by myself everywhere, and I don’t give a fuck. It’s ME time, just me.

To connect with your inner ME, you need to forcibly spend time with yourself. Set aside just 10 mins a day — just 10 mins. Keep your phone and laptop elsewhere and just do nothing. Nothing at all.

Now focus on your breath. Notice how your chest or abdomen rises and falls. Notice the random thoughts — just notice them. See them as they are, just some random words. Notice the sounds around you — car horns, birds, rain, even the silence. And after noticing some things for about 5 mins, come back to your breath. At each inhale whisper “IN” to yourself and “OUT” at exhale.

Do this for the next 5 mins. Take deep breaths.

This will help you create a significant distance between you and your thoughts. It will give you an experience of dissociating yourself from your thoughts, and, slowly, with enough practice, you will become used to sitting with yourself. Slowly, you will start loving yourself.

I think one should never search for a partner out of desperation, but from a state of abundance. This partner will come and increase the bounds of your life significantly, given that they, too, share your values. Everything will flow naturally.

Now, it is not a guarantee that you’ll find someone after practising this. You will just become a better version of yourself — more attractive inside and outside.

You will start looking at other people as wholes because you are whole now.

Then there are people who get scarred so badly that even if there’s a possibility of a future partner, they will not let anyone come close and will keep everyone at bay.

They think that by keeping everyone away, they are protecting themselves from pain. But in reality, they are just reinforcing their loneliness. Healing doesn’t come from isolation; it comes from understanding. Understanding that not everyone is the same, not every person will leave, and not every love story will end in hurt.

To love again, you must be brave enough to risk being hurt again. But this time, with the wisdom of knowing that your worth doesn’t depend on someone’s presence or absence. Love them freely, but don’t lose yourself in the process. Let them be a beautiful chapter in your book, not the author of it.

Remember, you are the home you’ve been searching for. The peace you crave doesn’t exist in someone else’s arms — it exists within your own stillness.

When you reach that state, when solitude feels serene instead of scary, you’ll realise that love was never about completion. It was about expansion — two complete beings choosing to share their light, not to fill each other’s voids.

So, the next time you find yourself yearning for that omniscient partner, pause. Take a deep breath. Smile. And remind yourself — you already are the love you’ve been looking for.

Sarthak Mirchandani