And They Lived Happily Ever After — No, They Didn't. And Neither Will You.

No, they didn’t, and neither will you. Happiness is never eternal, but ephemeral, you might have already figured this out.

What’s the last line of almost all fairy tales, tv series, novels, and movies?

‘…and they lived happily ever after.’

They almost always have some sort of feel-good happy ending where good triumphs over evil, love wins at the end, or the hero defeats the bad guy.

Why are we always expected to love good endings? Why does society tell us how our life should be, all fun, joy, peace, and living happily ever after?

Does that fit in with our experience of life?

Happiness Myth 1: Happiness is the Natural State of all human beings

If you look at the data on human psychology, we're far more susceptible to suffering than we'd like to admit. Even when we leave aside these mental disorders, there are hell lot of other sources of unhappiness that are increasing at an alarming rate.

A few include loneliness, divorce, sexual difficulties, work stress, midlife crisis, relationship issues, domestic violence, social isolation, bullying, prejudice, low self-esteem, chronic anger, and lack of meaning or purpose in life, you start to get some idea of just how rare true happiness really is.

Unfortunately, many people walk around believing that everyone else is happy except for them. And this belief creates even more unhappiness.

Happiness Myth 2: There’s something wrong with you if you’re not happy

It is generally believed in society that mental suffering is abnormal. It is seen as a weakness or an illness.

And at some level, we are afflicted with this thinking too!

Maybe this is why we blame and criticize ourselves when we are in that mental rut and suffer from negative ruminations. I wrote about why these coping strategies backfire here: Why the Things You Do to Feel Better Are Making You Feel Worse.

Maybe that’s why we adopt coping strategies like excess drinking, eating, partying, fooling around, and so on, to just zone out of our thoughts and evade them.

And once someone puts a label on us saying that were depressed, it just merely confirms our mind how defective we are.

When I was first told I had depression, I wore it as an excuse to disappear. I sat in my room all day, convinced the label confirmed what I already feared, that I was broken. I wasn't.

My mind was just doing what minds do.

The normal thinking processes of a healthy human mind will naturally lead to psychological suffering. You’re not defective, your mind’s just doing its job; the thing it evolved to do.

Happiness Myth 3: To live a fulfilling life, we must get rid of negative feelings

Do you really think it’s possible to get rid of negative feelings once and for all?

Society does tell us to eliminate negative feelings and accumulate positive ones in their place.

It’s a nice theory, makes sense, but is it logical?

But, here’s the catch! the things that we value the most in our life bring with them a whole range of feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant.

For instance, in a long-term intimate relationship, although you will experience love, joy, and exuberance, you will also experience disappointment and frustration.

The joy and excitement of getting a new job, and the stress and anxiety that comes with it.

No matter what meaningful project we embark on, we are bound to experience stress, fear, and anxiety. It is just inevitable.

Happiness Myth 4: You should be able to control what you think and feel

We have a lot less control over our thoughts than we think we do. But, we have a huge amount of control over our actions. If you want practical techniques for handling the thoughts that won't shut up, read this: How to Stop Believing Every Thought in Your Head.

Conventional approaches ask us to replace our negative thoughts with positive ones by repeating positive affirmations such as ‘I am capable’, or ‘I am confident and a positive person,’ and so on.

Other approaches tell you to vividly visualize the kind of person you want to be or the kind of life you want to live.

You might have tried such techniques and tried to think more positively about your issues but those negative thoughts just don’t shut up, do they?

These techniques may give you temporary relief ( doubtfully), but they won’t get rid of the negative thoughts in the long term.

You should not be able to control what you think and feel! You are not a dystopian futuristic feelings controller AI Robot.

So, after busting some myths about happiness, do you still think that you can be happy forever?

It is impractical to think that we will achieve happiness forever, a ton of evidence is against us.

Our whole life is the biggest evidence.

We will fall in love and we will get our hearts broken, yet again.

We will befriend people and get deceived, yet again.

We will watch another Ted Talk on sleeping habits and get excited but will sleep at 3:00 AM after watching Netflix, yet again.

We will cherish some amazing moments with family and friends and will weep as we move away from them, yet again.

We will have the time of our lives one day, and cry to sleep the next day, yet again.

Because it is inevitable to live a life free of sorrow and despair, and that’s what makes life worth living.

If you've been chasing happiness and wondering why it keeps slipping away, it's not because something is wrong with you. It's because you were sold a story that was never true.

The real work isn't about becoming happy. It's about building a life where you can hold both the joy and the pain without running from either.

If you want to start that conversation, book a free discovery call, no pitch, no pressure, just a real conversation about what you're carrying: Book a discovery call

Or grab my free guide on managing anxious thoughts — practical tools for the nights when your brain won't stop: Get the free guide